Mommy Message Boards

When I was pregnant with Girl, I tried signing up for one of those pregnancy message boards.  They have these nice neat little groups of people who are all due in the same month as you, so you can share stories, ask for advice, etc etc etc. 

It didn't work so well.

You see, I have a sense of humor that doesn't always translate well when written, especially to people who are hormonal, oversensitive and just looking for people to agree with their insane ideas.  I've always been the kind of person who has an opinion, and isn't really scared to share it.  I honestly don't say most of what runs through my head, but when I see someone being dumb, I just can't stop myself. 

This time around, I have relegated myself to be a "lurker".   A lurker is someone who reads the posts, but never bothers to comment or respond.  I think it's better that way.  Then I don't insult people who have problems like the following:  (please note that I have corrected these for spelling and punctuation so I don't look like a moron)

"My mom is throwing me a baby shower and I want to know if I HAVE to invite my husband's family?  There are more women on his side of the family than mine and I want it to be even"

Um...  are you planning on having an in-law tug-of-war? 

"My Mother-in-law saved stuffed animals that belonged to my husband and she totally lied right to my face.  It smelled like smoke and she said it was stored in the closet.  When my husband asked her again, she said they were in the garage.  I have no idea what's crawling on this stuffed bear and I WILL NOT let my baby play with it.  I think he would get sick or something.  Should I tell her to shove it?"

Yes...  because that is a good way to have a cordial relationship with your Mother-in-law.  Have you ever thought of maybe washing it?  or putting it on a shelf?

"So I have two events coming up around my due date. One is a week before my due date and one the weekend after. I'm not sure if most women go before their due date or after, but is it wise to go to either of these events if I haven't given birth yet? I don't want to be at someone's wedding and there goes my water lol. Even if I went a few weeks before my due date, will I be able to be walking around and feeling myself so quickly and will the baby even be able to leave the house that early?"

You should stay home and do nothing.  You might catch something...  like...  a fun time. 

"I don't get OB-GYN appointments.  Is anyone else frustrated by their lack of detail?  I mean, I go in there and all they do is take a pee sample, blood pressure, weight, listen to the baby and ask if I have any questions.  My doctor doesn't even listen to my heart or look in my ears or anything!  Should I change doctors?"

Unless your baby is planning on coming out of your ears, the OB-GYN will likely not check them at a prenatal appointment. 

"I was recently in Oklahoma visiting relatives (I'm from TX) and they told me that siblings of the opposite sex (no matter what age) cannot share the same room. Seeing as my husband and I cannot really afford to move, our son would have to share with the new baby and if it is a girl and that is a law everywhere we're kind of SOL.Has anyone else heard about this? Or have any more information on it?"

I can't even comment on this one.

"Not sure how I feel about putting a breast pump on my registry. I've been known to be a bit uptight and am rather modest when it comes to certain things and this apparently one of them. I have no issues with registering for the storage bags or bottle kits for the pump, just not the pump itself. Maybe it's a combination of its purpose and the hefty price tag that has me hesitant. I just don't know. Am I being silly or does this make anyone else feel uncomfortable? Are you registering for one?."

I personally register for baby-making-lingerie.  It helps us all.

I really could go on and on here, and I'm not even touching on the uber-teasable-insane baby names, or the people who want to know if they can throw their own baby shower.  And then there are the people who are mad that the whole world hasn't stopped in awe because they are pregnant, or the people who are mad that someone didn't buy them a big enough gift.  EGAD 
 
Now you know why I could never actually join one of these pages.  I wouldn't be able to stop myself.   So, I'll lurk, and laugh, and lurk some more.