I stood for a minute with my hand hovering over the garbage can. In my hand was a coloring book. It was fully scribbled in, shredded and the cover was barely staying on. It's the first coloring book Girl had ever used. I didn't feel a need to keep it, and it was cluttering up my living room. There were no pages left and Girl was no longer interested in it, having moved on to a new one. I wanted to throw it away, but was suddenly second guessing myself.
This is probably how hoarders start.
I'm not a hoarder. I'm not the kind of person who throws everything away either. I think I have a good balance. I save a few things for sentimental reasons, and try really hard not to keep things that I'm no longer using. Husband may disagree, but then I send him to the backyard garage/car graveyard/future project department and he's quiet.
I know where this sudden attachment is coming from. Luckily I understand it, so I can deal with it. I don't need or want an old coloring book. I just want things that I can no longer have.
When I was a kid, my dad made me a dollhouse. It wasn't a normal dollhouse (where would the fun be in that). My dad was a draftsperson so he spent much of his time working on blueprints, floorplans etc, so he made me a dollhouse that looked like you cut the roof off a nice little bungalow. It wasn't the typical multi-floor dollhouse. It lay flat on the ground and had hardwood floors, baseboards, a fireplace and 4 rooms.
I rarely played with it. I wasn't a doll person. I would use it mainly when friends came over, but otherwise, it kind of took up space. When I had officially abandoned dolls in general, my parents and I made the decision to give it away. There was a girl, a few years younger than me, and if my memory serves me correctly, she had just had her tonsils out or something. I don't remember being friends, or even really seeing her after that, but she loved dolls, and completely appreciated the dollhouse and box of barbie stuff I gave her.
Since then, my dad died.
Things change when people die. Compound that with the arrival of a little girl to our house. I want it back.
I have no qualms about calling the girl up and asking if the dollhouse is collecting dust in some remote corner of her parent's basement, and if so, asking for it back. Problem is, I don't know who she is. My mom and I racked our brains and came up short. The person we thought it was had no idea what we were talking about, and really, thinking about it later, it wouldn't have made sense to give it to her, since her dad was a woodworker and he made her dollhouses of her own.
I have to resign myself that it's gone, and that even if I spent the next 10 years looking for it, it is unlikely that I will ever know what became of it.
One day, Girl may want something, and I hope I have the forsight to save it for her, but luckily, it probably won't be an old coloring book.
I threw it away.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Non-dairy chocolate cake
There are many times I feel lucky, and having a family (including extended family) without any manner of food allergies is a blessing. I don't normally need to worry about what I make, and cooking is easy. Some friends of ours have a bit more of a challenge. They have two boys with milk allergies. Considering I practically live on milk and cheese, this is an extremely foreign concept to me. The idea of cooking without dairy is daunting. It's in EVERYTHING! Ok, that might be an exaggeration, but HELLO Chocolate?
Girl's birthday party is coming up, and I have decided to make the birthday cake a non-dairy version, because as much as their oldest (2 1/2) has accepted his fate, I would feel bad making a cake that he couldn't eat. All kids should be able to eat the birthday cake.
So, I hit the internet and found a chocolate cake recipe that didn't have all sorts of weird ingredients. (So often when you look for something dairy free, it's also vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, and enjoyment-free). This recipe seemed simple enough, so I figured I'd give it a whirl.
Preheat the oven to 375ยบ.
Sift together the flour, cocoa, soda, salt, and sugar directly into the cake pan. In the measuring cup, measure and mix together the oil, cold water or coffee, and vanilla. Pour the liquid ingredients into the baking pan and mix the batter with a fork or a small whisk. When the batter is smooth, add the vinegar and stir quickly. There will be pale swirls in the batter as the baking soda and vinegar react. Stir just until the vinegar is evenly distributed throughout the batter.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes and set aside to cool.
So, I read the recipe and thought "why wouldn't I mix this in a bowl?" but decided I'd follow the recipe as written to see if it made any sense. Of course, my initial instincts were right, it made no sense. It got clumpy and any time that could possibly be saved by not washing a single bowl was wasted trying to get the batter to mix evenly without spilling it everywhere. Needless to say, I scraped it into a bowl, mixed it properly and scraped it back in right after stirring in the vinegar.
So far... it looks like cake, it smells like cake, and tastes like cake. I know it tastes fine because it did not release nicely from the bottom of the pan, so I'd recommend a layer of parchment paper on the bottom of the pan to make your life easier. Oh well, looks like it'll be a three layer cake instead of four.
Girl's birthday party is coming up, and I have decided to make the birthday cake a non-dairy version, because as much as their oldest (2 1/2) has accepted his fate, I would feel bad making a cake that he couldn't eat. All kids should be able to eat the birthday cake.
So, I hit the internet and found a chocolate cake recipe that didn't have all sorts of weird ingredients. (So often when you look for something dairy free, it's also vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, and enjoyment-free). This recipe seemed simple enough, so I figured I'd give it a whirl.
1 ½ cups unbleached white flour
⅓ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar
½ cup vegetable oil
1 cup cold water or coffee
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons vinegar
Preheat the oven to 375ยบ.
Sift together the flour, cocoa, soda, salt, and sugar directly into the cake pan. In the measuring cup, measure and mix together the oil, cold water or coffee, and vanilla. Pour the liquid ingredients into the baking pan and mix the batter with a fork or a small whisk. When the batter is smooth, add the vinegar and stir quickly. There will be pale swirls in the batter as the baking soda and vinegar react. Stir just until the vinegar is evenly distributed throughout the batter.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes and set aside to cool.
So, I read the recipe and thought "why wouldn't I mix this in a bowl?" but decided I'd follow the recipe as written to see if it made any sense. Of course, my initial instincts were right, it made no sense. It got clumpy and any time that could possibly be saved by not washing a single bowl was wasted trying to get the batter to mix evenly without spilling it everywhere. Needless to say, I scraped it into a bowl, mixed it properly and scraped it back in right after stirring in the vinegar.
So far... it looks like cake, it smells like cake, and tastes like cake. I know it tastes fine because it did not release nicely from the bottom of the pan, so I'd recommend a layer of parchment paper on the bottom of the pan to make your life easier. Oh well, looks like it'll be a three layer cake instead of four.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Business of Being Born
I'm watching "The Business of Being Born". I've heard a lot about it, so I was somewhat curious. While understanding that every single woman in the world has a completely different view of what childbirth is "supposed to" be like, I anticipated a certain bias. I was right. I now know that doctors are all evil, don't care about your personal wishes, and are just all out for money.
I have trouble looking at this documentary as a balanced view of childbirth, because, well, it's not. There are so many things that I see and hear that, while it makes sense, makes many assumptions. The main idea toward this documentary is that natural, drug-free, home-birthing is the ideal. Great. (For me, the ideal is the baby just falling out all on it's own, perfectly healthy and pain-free.) They quote statistics about how there is a significantly lower infant mortality rate in midwife-assisted childbirth than there is in the hospital, but then, they talk about how midwives do extensive medical history to determine if one is a good candidate for home-birth. I don't recall doctors being given that option.
I was also told that monkeys who give birth via cesarian section do not care about their babies, and that is how it is with mammals, and we are also mammals. Excuse me? Are you actually telling me that women will not care about or take care of their children if they are brought into this world using medical intervention? I was born via cesarean, and I was close to needing one with Girl, and I can honestly say that I could care less how they got her out of me, she was mine and I loved her as much as any one person can.
It is somewhat difficult to reconcile this documentary, since being in Canada rather than the US, stats about insurance, and profits and liabilities aren't really issues to me. While I do believe that going into labour naturally, and having babies as naturally as possible is great, I also am a firm believer that modern medicine has saved millions of lives. Yes, women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, but up until "recent" advances, childbirth was the number one killer of women. This documentary gives a somewhat biased view of hospitals, with the majority of the hospital footage being from the 50's when women were drugged, strapped down to tables and alone in dark rooms. It seemed a bit like fear-mongering, something this movie was so adamant to say was the reason that so many women opted for medical intervention (fear of childbirth). Ricki Lake said her main goal for the documentary was to alleviate fear, but apparently that means just shifting it to doctors and hospitals.
Perhaps it's different in the US. The hospital I gave birth in was equipped with birthing tubs, two-person shower, stability balls, beds that converted to allow for numerous labour positions, and likely plenty of other things I didn't use.
I'm all for women being able to make choices and give birth in the way they want, but I do resent being told that if I needed medical intervention that I would love my child less, or feel like less of a woman.
I read a lot of pregnancy forums and so many women go into childbirth (often for the first time) with a concrete plan. This is how my baby will enter the world. I went into childbirth with one item on my birth plan... Get the baby out safely. I never felt pressured to do anything. I felt as supported as I needed to be (though, my levels of "support" are somewhat different than many women, in that, I could really care less who delievered my baby, and needed no more mental or emotional support than Husband gave just by being there and making jokes to keep me laughing), and overall had a positive experience. I had pain medication, gave birth vaginally to a 9 pound baby with no need for stitches, had no trouble breastfeeding and am as bonded with my child as any mom needs to be. I was given pitocin, (but I would have begged for it if they didn't, being 14 days overdue). I had no expectations and therefore was not disappointed. So many women decide how childbirth will go, and unfortunately, it's not really realistic. It's good to have ideals, but you need to be able to adapt. Things can change very quickly, and if you are the type of person who has difficulty dealing with change, yes, you will feel pressured, because sometimes you don't have a lot of time to change gears.
If you're someone who is really into home-birth, you'll like this documentary. It will give you plenty of facts and statistics and scary, out-dated visuals that you can use to freak out your friends. I, personally, wasn't a fan. I resent the implication that giving birth in a hospital with pain medication makes me less of a woman, or less of a mother. Maybe, if everyone just let people have babies in ways that they were comfortable doing it, we'd all feel less pressure and make less promises to ourselves.
I have trouble looking at this documentary as a balanced view of childbirth, because, well, it's not. There are so many things that I see and hear that, while it makes sense, makes many assumptions. The main idea toward this documentary is that natural, drug-free, home-birthing is the ideal. Great. (For me, the ideal is the baby just falling out all on it's own, perfectly healthy and pain-free.) They quote statistics about how there is a significantly lower infant mortality rate in midwife-assisted childbirth than there is in the hospital, but then, they talk about how midwives do extensive medical history to determine if one is a good candidate for home-birth. I don't recall doctors being given that option.
I was also told that monkeys who give birth via cesarian section do not care about their babies, and that is how it is with mammals, and we are also mammals. Excuse me? Are you actually telling me that women will not care about or take care of their children if they are brought into this world using medical intervention? I was born via cesarean, and I was close to needing one with Girl, and I can honestly say that I could care less how they got her out of me, she was mine and I loved her as much as any one person can.
It is somewhat difficult to reconcile this documentary, since being in Canada rather than the US, stats about insurance, and profits and liabilities aren't really issues to me. While I do believe that going into labour naturally, and having babies as naturally as possible is great, I also am a firm believer that modern medicine has saved millions of lives. Yes, women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, but up until "recent" advances, childbirth was the number one killer of women. This documentary gives a somewhat biased view of hospitals, with the majority of the hospital footage being from the 50's when women were drugged, strapped down to tables and alone in dark rooms. It seemed a bit like fear-mongering, something this movie was so adamant to say was the reason that so many women opted for medical intervention (fear of childbirth). Ricki Lake said her main goal for the documentary was to alleviate fear, but apparently that means just shifting it to doctors and hospitals.
Perhaps it's different in the US. The hospital I gave birth in was equipped with birthing tubs, two-person shower, stability balls, beds that converted to allow for numerous labour positions, and likely plenty of other things I didn't use.
I'm all for women being able to make choices and give birth in the way they want, but I do resent being told that if I needed medical intervention that I would love my child less, or feel like less of a woman.
I read a lot of pregnancy forums and so many women go into childbirth (often for the first time) with a concrete plan. This is how my baby will enter the world. I went into childbirth with one item on my birth plan... Get the baby out safely. I never felt pressured to do anything. I felt as supported as I needed to be (though, my levels of "support" are somewhat different than many women, in that, I could really care less who delievered my baby, and needed no more mental or emotional support than Husband gave just by being there and making jokes to keep me laughing), and overall had a positive experience. I had pain medication, gave birth vaginally to a 9 pound baby with no need for stitches, had no trouble breastfeeding and am as bonded with my child as any mom needs to be. I was given pitocin, (but I would have begged for it if they didn't, being 14 days overdue). I had no expectations and therefore was not disappointed. So many women decide how childbirth will go, and unfortunately, it's not really realistic. It's good to have ideals, but you need to be able to adapt. Things can change very quickly, and if you are the type of person who has difficulty dealing with change, yes, you will feel pressured, because sometimes you don't have a lot of time to change gears.
If you're someone who is really into home-birth, you'll like this documentary. It will give you plenty of facts and statistics and scary, out-dated visuals that you can use to freak out your friends. I, personally, wasn't a fan. I resent the implication that giving birth in a hospital with pain medication makes me less of a woman, or less of a mother. Maybe, if everyone just let people have babies in ways that they were comfortable doing it, we'd all feel less pressure and make less promises to ourselves.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunrise, sunset.
Is this the little girl I carried?
We hit a bit milestone yesterday. Girl turns two tomorrow and yesterday we moved the crib out of her room and replaced it with a twin-sized bed. Suddenly her room didn't look like a nursery anymore and I can't figure out where the time has gone. My baby isn't a baby anymore, she's a brilliant, talkative kid who doesn't sleep in a crib.
One thing I have learned over the course of my limited parenting is to not give kids too much information. So while I was somewhat panicked about Girl's new ability to get out of bed on her own, I wasn't about to let her know. Kids are masters at the loophole and if you tell them too much, they WILL use it against you. I didn't even mention to her that she needs to stay in bed. I figured, if I told her that, I might plant the idea that she can get out. So far, we've been through bedtime and a nap and it hasn't been any more difficult than with a crib. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tend to be a mean mommy. While the books and magazines say that giving your kids a comfort item is a good thing, I wanted to see if it was possible to make it through toddlerhood without one. It always seemed like something that could become a giant pain in the future. So far so good. Girl's soother was gone by 6 months, she has no noticable attachments to any stuffed animals and last night I decided to make the blanket she slept with since she was born disappear for a while. I could have put it into her new bed with her, but I wanted to see if she actually needed it before I did. Apparently she doesn't, she hasn't mentioned it.
As I write this, she's sleeping soundly (and so is Husband). I should be sleeping since I didn't get more than a few hours last night, but the peace and quiet (and ability to watch some TV trash) is nice.
I'll just pray this keeps up and the whole transition is smooth and easy. My little big girl is growing up.
We hit a bit milestone yesterday. Girl turns two tomorrow and yesterday we moved the crib out of her room and replaced it with a twin-sized bed. Suddenly her room didn't look like a nursery anymore and I can't figure out where the time has gone. My baby isn't a baby anymore, she's a brilliant, talkative kid who doesn't sleep in a crib.
One thing I have learned over the course of my limited parenting is to not give kids too much information. So while I was somewhat panicked about Girl's new ability to get out of bed on her own, I wasn't about to let her know. Kids are masters at the loophole and if you tell them too much, they WILL use it against you. I didn't even mention to her that she needs to stay in bed. I figured, if I told her that, I might plant the idea that she can get out. So far, we've been through bedtime and a nap and it hasn't been any more difficult than with a crib. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tend to be a mean mommy. While the books and magazines say that giving your kids a comfort item is a good thing, I wanted to see if it was possible to make it through toddlerhood without one. It always seemed like something that could become a giant pain in the future. So far so good. Girl's soother was gone by 6 months, she has no noticable attachments to any stuffed animals and last night I decided to make the blanket she slept with since she was born disappear for a while. I could have put it into her new bed with her, but I wanted to see if she actually needed it before I did. Apparently she doesn't, she hasn't mentioned it.
As I write this, she's sleeping soundly (and so is Husband). I should be sleeping since I didn't get more than a few hours last night, but the peace and quiet (and ability to watch some TV trash) is nice.
I'll just pray this keeps up and the whole transition is smooth and easy. My little big girl is growing up.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Mommy Message Boards
When I was pregnant with Girl, I tried signing up for one of those pregnancy message boards. They have these nice neat little groups of people who are all due in the same month as you, so you can share stories, ask for advice, etc etc etc.
It didn't work so well.
You see, I have a sense of humor that doesn't always translate well when written, especially to people who are hormonal, oversensitive and just looking for people to agree with their insane ideas. I've always been the kind of person who has an opinion, and isn't really scared to share it. I honestly don't say most of what runs through my head, but when I see someone being dumb, I just can't stop myself.
This time around, I have relegated myself to be a "lurker". A lurker is someone who reads the posts, but never bothers to comment or respond. I think it's better that way. Then I don't insult people who have problems like the following: (please note that I have corrected these for spelling and punctuation so I don't look like a moron)
"My mom is throwing me a baby shower and I want to know if I HAVE to invite my husband's family? There are more women on his side of the family than mine and I want it to be even"
Um... are you planning on having an in-law tug-of-war?
"My Mother-in-law saved stuffed animals that belonged to my husband and she totally lied right to my face. It smelled like smoke and she said it was stored in the closet. When my husband asked her again, she said they were in the garage. I have no idea what's crawling on this stuffed bear and I WILL NOT let my baby play with it. I think he would get sick or something. Should I tell her to shove it?"
Yes... because that is a good way to have a cordial relationship with your Mother-in-law. Have you ever thought of maybe washing it? or putting it on a shelf?
"So I have two events coming up around my due date. One is a week before my due date and one the weekend after. I'm not sure if most women go before their due date or after, but is it wise to go to either of these events if I haven't given birth yet? I don't want to be at someone's wedding and there goes my water lol. Even if I went a few weeks before my due date, will I be able to be walking around and feeling myself so quickly and will the baby even be able to leave the house that early?"
You should stay home and do nothing. You might catch something... like... a fun time.
"I don't get OB-GYN appointments. Is anyone else frustrated by their lack of detail? I mean, I go in there and all they do is take a pee sample, blood pressure, weight, listen to the baby and ask if I have any questions. My doctor doesn't even listen to my heart or look in my ears or anything! Should I change doctors?"
Unless your baby is planning on coming out of your ears, the OB-GYN will likely not check them at a prenatal appointment.
"I was recently in Oklahoma visiting relatives (I'm from TX) and they told me that siblings of the opposite sex (no matter what age) cannot share the same room. Seeing as my husband and I cannot really afford to move, our son would have to share with the new baby and if it is a girl and that is a law everywhere we're kind of SOL.Has anyone else heard about this? Or have any more information on it?"
I can't even comment on this one.
"Not sure how I feel about putting a breast pump on my registry. I've been known to be a bit uptight and am rather modest when it comes to certain things and this apparently one of them. I have no issues with registering for the storage bags or bottle kits for the pump, just not the pump itself. Maybe it's a combination of its purpose and the hefty price tag that has me hesitant. I just don't know. Am I being silly or does this make anyone else feel uncomfortable? Are you registering for one?."
I personally register for baby-making-lingerie. It helps us all.
I really could go on and on here, and I'm not even touching on the uber-teasable-insane baby names, or the people who want to know if they can throw their own baby shower. And then there are the people who are mad that the whole world hasn't stopped in awe because they are pregnant, or the people who are mad that someone didn't buy them a big enough gift. EGAD
Now you know why I could never actually join one of these pages. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. So, I'll lurk, and laugh, and lurk some more.
It didn't work so well.
You see, I have a sense of humor that doesn't always translate well when written, especially to people who are hormonal, oversensitive and just looking for people to agree with their insane ideas. I've always been the kind of person who has an opinion, and isn't really scared to share it. I honestly don't say most of what runs through my head, but when I see someone being dumb, I just can't stop myself.
This time around, I have relegated myself to be a "lurker". A lurker is someone who reads the posts, but never bothers to comment or respond. I think it's better that way. Then I don't insult people who have problems like the following: (please note that I have corrected these for spelling and punctuation so I don't look like a moron)
"My mom is throwing me a baby shower and I want to know if I HAVE to invite my husband's family? There are more women on his side of the family than mine and I want it to be even"
Um... are you planning on having an in-law tug-of-war?
"My Mother-in-law saved stuffed animals that belonged to my husband and she totally lied right to my face. It smelled like smoke and she said it was stored in the closet. When my husband asked her again, she said they were in the garage. I have no idea what's crawling on this stuffed bear and I WILL NOT let my baby play with it. I think he would get sick or something. Should I tell her to shove it?"
Yes... because that is a good way to have a cordial relationship with your Mother-in-law. Have you ever thought of maybe washing it? or putting it on a shelf?
"So I have two events coming up around my due date. One is a week before my due date and one the weekend after. I'm not sure if most women go before their due date or after, but is it wise to go to either of these events if I haven't given birth yet? I don't want to be at someone's wedding and there goes my water lol. Even if I went a few weeks before my due date, will I be able to be walking around and feeling myself so quickly and will the baby even be able to leave the house that early?"
You should stay home and do nothing. You might catch something... like... a fun time.
"I don't get OB-GYN appointments. Is anyone else frustrated by their lack of detail? I mean, I go in there and all they do is take a pee sample, blood pressure, weight, listen to the baby and ask if I have any questions. My doctor doesn't even listen to my heart or look in my ears or anything! Should I change doctors?"
Unless your baby is planning on coming out of your ears, the OB-GYN will likely not check them at a prenatal appointment.
"I was recently in Oklahoma visiting relatives (I'm from TX) and they told me that siblings of the opposite sex (no matter what age) cannot share the same room. Seeing as my husband and I cannot really afford to move, our son would have to share with the new baby and if it is a girl and that is a law everywhere we're kind of SOL.Has anyone else heard about this? Or have any more information on it?"
I can't even comment on this one.
"Not sure how I feel about putting a breast pump on my registry. I've been known to be a bit uptight and am rather modest when it comes to certain things and this apparently one of them. I have no issues with registering for the storage bags or bottle kits for the pump, just not the pump itself. Maybe it's a combination of its purpose and the hefty price tag that has me hesitant. I just don't know. Am I being silly or does this make anyone else feel uncomfortable? Are you registering for one?."
I personally register for baby-making-lingerie. It helps us all.
I really could go on and on here, and I'm not even touching on the uber-teasable-insane baby names, or the people who want to know if they can throw their own baby shower. And then there are the people who are mad that the whole world hasn't stopped in awe because they are pregnant, or the people who are mad that someone didn't buy them a big enough gift. EGAD
Now you know why I could never actually join one of these pages. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. So, I'll lurk, and laugh, and lurk some more.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Bursting Bubbles
There are times in life when I feel the need to bestow some of the things I have learned on those around me. Whether you care to hear it, or not, or really, blatantly disagree, I don't really care. I think as mothers we have a tendency to do ourselves an injustice. I'm going to clear something up, right here and now...
MOTHERHOOD IS HARD.
There, I said it. I don't regret it.
Nobody wants to say it, because while its likely the hardest thing you'll ever do, it is really rewarding, (so they tell me) so we suck it up and do it because we know it's for the best. That doesn't change the fact that sometimes... oh baby... sometimes... it just makes you want to drink.
Firstly, I want to talk about men. Men will likely never fully understand, unless of course, they stay at home permanently. They are wired differently, so although they get good tastes of it sometimes, it's really not the same. Husband, overall, is great. He drives me bananas if he so much as hints that I need to clean the house more (Let's get something straight first... he's a neurotic neat freak who rarely hangs up his jacket). I tried to explain to him once what my day looked like and he said "well, I never realized having kids was such a burden". He was being sarcastic, but I looked at him and said "OF COURSE IT IS!"
It's a burden I will gladly bear, but that doesn't make it any less bulky.
I try to have patience with him... it takes them longer, and like I said, men are wired differently. While we look at a baby and think "laundry, diapers, reading, teaching, comforting, feeding, disciplining... etc", their brains are sirens, screaming "I MUST PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY". Especially in the case of stay-at-home moms. They are the sole provider and I can see how that might be a bit nerve-wracking. Their job is important too, but different. I'm jealous sometimes that Husband gets to go to work. Seems like a relaxing place to be.
That's the other thing. Isolation. We women are talkers, we like to be social, have conversation. When we find ourselves in a situation where the only other person we can talk to doesn't speak English, and usually just looks at you and drools, it gets lonely. You find yourself talking to yourself (under the guise of talking to the baby) just to hear an adult voice. It's rough.
We can do it though. We are made to triumph and survive and someday we'll get to kick those babies out of the nest. The way I figure it... as long as I can stay one day ahead of Girl, I'm doing ok. She doesn't need to know. I'll always be the smartest, most wonderful, loving mom to her. I'll screw up, sure, but I won't tell her until she has a baby under her arm, and dark circles under her eyes.
MOTHERHOOD IS HARD.
There, I said it. I don't regret it.
Nobody wants to say it, because while its likely the hardest thing you'll ever do, it is really rewarding, (so they tell me) so we suck it up and do it because we know it's for the best. That doesn't change the fact that sometimes... oh baby... sometimes... it just makes you want to drink.
Firstly, I want to talk about men. Men will likely never fully understand, unless of course, they stay at home permanently. They are wired differently, so although they get good tastes of it sometimes, it's really not the same. Husband, overall, is great. He drives me bananas if he so much as hints that I need to clean the house more (Let's get something straight first... he's a neurotic neat freak who rarely hangs up his jacket). I tried to explain to him once what my day looked like and he said "well, I never realized having kids was such a burden". He was being sarcastic, but I looked at him and said "OF COURSE IT IS!"
It's a burden I will gladly bear, but that doesn't make it any less bulky.
I try to have patience with him... it takes them longer, and like I said, men are wired differently. While we look at a baby and think "laundry, diapers, reading, teaching, comforting, feeding, disciplining... etc", their brains are sirens, screaming "I MUST PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY". Especially in the case of stay-at-home moms. They are the sole provider and I can see how that might be a bit nerve-wracking. Their job is important too, but different. I'm jealous sometimes that Husband gets to go to work. Seems like a relaxing place to be.
That's the other thing. Isolation. We women are talkers, we like to be social, have conversation. When we find ourselves in a situation where the only other person we can talk to doesn't speak English, and usually just looks at you and drools, it gets lonely. You find yourself talking to yourself (under the guise of talking to the baby) just to hear an adult voice. It's rough.
We can do it though. We are made to triumph and survive and someday we'll get to kick those babies out of the nest. The way I figure it... as long as I can stay one day ahead of Girl, I'm doing ok. She doesn't need to know. I'll always be the smartest, most wonderful, loving mom to her. I'll screw up, sure, but I won't tell her until she has a baby under her arm, and dark circles under her eyes.
TKO
I'm trying REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard not to complain, but holy cow, this baby is kicking my butt.
I was looking back at the pregnancy thus far and I think in total, there have been about 2 weeks where I felt "well" (ie. not puking daily and not coughing up lungs). The second trimester, in some ways, has been worse than the first. I barely sleep and my resistance is so low that I'm picking up everything. Yeesh. So basically, I haven't felt like myself since August. Throw an active toddler into the mix and I'm ready for bed well before she is (not that I can sleep though).
hgdxvkiy6ukx fuygjtxdujgtf <-- that was me, banging my head on the keyboard.
I miss Nyquil.
Happily, tomorrow is my ultrasound so I'll get to see the little monster. At the very least it'll be a nice quiet time on a bed in a dark room...
alone.
I was looking back at the pregnancy thus far and I think in total, there have been about 2 weeks where I felt "well" (ie. not puking daily and not coughing up lungs). The second trimester, in some ways, has been worse than the first. I barely sleep and my resistance is so low that I'm picking up everything. Yeesh. So basically, I haven't felt like myself since August. Throw an active toddler into the mix and I'm ready for bed well before she is (not that I can sleep though).
hgdxvkiy6ukx fuygjtxdujgtf <-- that was me, banging my head on the keyboard.
I miss Nyquil.
Happily, tomorrow is my ultrasound so I'll get to see the little monster. At the very least it'll be a nice quiet time on a bed in a dark room...
alone.
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