I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I took Girl to get her one-year shots today, and I hear all these stories about how awful it is watching your children get shots, and how mothers cry with their children, or can't watch, or need someone else to hold their child still. I don't seem to have that problem. At times I have found myself wondering what it is inside me that is broken. I am able to hold Girl still, pin her arms and watch her get 3 shots in a row without so much as a lump in my throat. Is that normal?

I try to convince myself that I'm just a strong person who doesn't let her emotions get the better of her, but to be honest, I'm not thinking about it much. Shots are just one of those things. They suck, but you do them, and get through them and then they're done. Bite down on the strap and when it's all over, you can have some juice.

Girl hurts herself all the time. Not seriously of course, but enough to make her cry for a while. I'm never happy when she's hurt or upset, but usually when she cries I cuddle her and gently remind her that gravity will always be there and she needs to make sure her feet are under her when she crawls off the couch. What point is there in falling if you don't know why you fell?

I used to be more sensitive. There was a time when I couldn't return something to a store because I was afraid they'd get mad at me. I'm pretty sure I know when that turned, and while I'm glad I can go to customer service without fear, I sometimes wonder if maybe it went too far. I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything, after all, crying isn't usually something that people want to do. I just wonder sometimes if the point between logic and sentimentality shouldn't be a little closer to the middle.

The best of both worlds?

There are very few times that I envy Americans. Not that I think it's a bad place to live, I just think Canada suits me better (mosquitos notwithstanding). That said, I itch for deals, bargains, coupons and FREE FREE THINGS which I really don't think Canada has... at least, not in the same way.

We Canucks have our loyalty clubs, which force us to be loyal to stores in hopes of someday cashing in on free services, groceries and the like. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my points, but there is something to be said for the thrill of the hunt, clipping enough coupons, doubling them and then finding out that your cart full of groceries cost you a whopping $4. It's somehow not the same to spend a year collecting points to get that same cart of groceries for free. It's kind of like earning money vs finding $20 in your pocket you didn't know about. it's the same money, but the thrill just isn't there. Not to mention, it's almost anticlimactic to REDEEM your points once you get a big, satisfying pile of them all stacked up together in a happy little group.

I keep trying. I watch my fliers, and scour them for the best deals, hoping that in some small way I can work the system enough to make myself happy. For example, a few weeks ago at Sobeys, I bought 3 packages of KD for $2.98 and got 300 points. (about equivalent to $2.00 in free groceries). Ok, so I didn't just buy 3 but I stopped myself from buying more than I'd actually eat though, which made it a success.

Someday I'll find the fulfillment I'm craving. Even if it means a trip south of the border. But until then, I will live vicariously through my SIL who is a master. Check out her blog.

Is it so wrong to want both? Because as much as I want the coupons and the tricks and such... I also want my $500 in free groceries. I really gotta go spend that soon, before inflation makes it worth less!

Accountability According to Oprah

I was watching Oprah last week. I admit it, I'm secure with myself. Sarah Palin and her daughter were on there talking to Oprah about having a baby, blah blah blah. (I wasn't really paying that much attention). I did however tune in when Oprah said that people shouldn't make a verbal commitment to be a virgin until they are married because "you just never know" and then if you lose your virginity before you get married, people will judge you more harshly because you made the commitment in the first place.

I think Husband put it best when he said: "Yeah, it's best not to be accountable. Don't tell anyone you are starting a new diet or workout plan either, because then you won't feel as bad when you quit"

When did accountability become a bad thing? Why can't you just make a commitment and then have the cajones to back it up? Making your commitment public is the best thing to help you. Shame is a darn good motivator!

My Toxic Relationship

There will come a time when people realize the inevitable is in fact inevitable. I am going to die, and there's very little I can do about it. This is why I am tired of hearing about toxins. There are toxins in everything we eat, everything we do, and short of getting a bubble and not eating anything, it's kind of a fact of life.

SO, here's the deal. I could spend the rest of my life eating nothing but sprouts and uncooked wheat in the vain and fruitless attempt to live forever, or, here's an idea, I can enjoy the life I am given. I like food. I always will, and no matter how many times you tell me red dye #4 is going to kill me, I'm still going to eat M&Ms. (disclaimer: I don't in fact know that M&Ms HAVE red dye #4). I'm going to drink the occasional diet cola because it makes me feel better than wasting my entire day's workout on one drink. I'm going to eat Burger King Poutine sometimes. I am also going to drive a car, spray paint without a mask (outside of course), and maybe even run in the grass even if I don't know if it's been chemically treated. I am going to buy tomatoes in the winter, from the grocery store, even though they don't taste the same. I'm going to use mosquito spray because hey, I'm not a fan of sitting inside all summer. All this because truthfully, I might die tomorrow anyway, and I might as well enjoy myself!

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying "go nuts! life is short! eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we DIE!" (unless of course you really ARE dying tomorrow). I'm just an advocate of BALANCE. Don't fret so much about the toxins in your body, because I'm telling you, it will rot your soul. Smile, hug someone, and share your M&Ms.

Resolutions

Resolution time. Ok, so I'm a little late... add that to my resolutions. Overall, I don't really believe in resolutions, but considering I'm the type of person who can only realistically start an exercise program on a monday (any other day just doesn't make sense, why would I start something when half the week is over?) I figure the new year is kind of like a big giant monday. That said, I did start a new exercise program (read: AN exercise program). I did wait until the first Monday to do it though... is that weird? Kind of the perfect storm that way.

I know I need to eat better, and I know I need to exercise, but man... I'm not a big fan. I started exercising at the beginning of the day to get it over with. The TV isn't that great in the morning, (no primetime dramas to keep me interested), but it does allow me to exercise 5 days a week rather than 4 (my workout programs never included Friday night).

The thing I haven't really figured out yet is what the heck I'm supposed to eat. The only "diet" that ever worked for me (and did it ever) was low carb, but I'm not insane. I like potatoes and perogies too much. I think I'll just keep chanting "moderation" as my mantra. I can deal with that. I'll eat lots of veggies, less junk, and it still lets me sneak a Burger King poutine in there once in a while.

For now, I'll just sit here, typing and sipping my caffeine-free-diet-cola and rotting my brain (according to Husband) while I try not to eat the ice cream sandwiches that are waving at me from the freezer.

Merry Christmas

Husband truly is a remarkable character. I am constantly amazed by the way his brain works (especially how he can manage to park 4 cars in our double garage and not dent anything, but that's a whole other story). I came to this new realization again after opening my Christmas presents to discover 2 beautiful sweaters that fit me perfectly and look great on me. I don't understand. I go clothes shopping and take racks of clothes in with me to try on, of which nothing fits (or looks nice for that matter) and he can go without the benefit of a scale model of me and pick clothes that do both.

While thinking about this for a while, I came to a few conclusions about how this is possible.

1. I am more critical of myself.

It's how we are as women... I guess perhaps I think that there are magical clothes out there that can make me look like Jennifer Aniston and when I try on clothes that make me look like... well ME (with all the help that flourescent lighting and mirrors so close that you can't help but put all the focus on your thighs) I am somewhat disappointed.

2. I am more critical of the price tags.

How many times have I left a change room thinking "That was a nice pair of $20 pants... unfortunately the sticker said $70, and there is no way in this green earth I will pay that much for pants, maybe I'll buy them when they go on sale for $20."

3. I look at the number on the tag, not the size of the clothes.

It's a common mistake I think most women make. Please join me in my 12 step program. I believe the numbers (admitting you have a problem is the first step). I choose clothes off the rack based on the number, not the shape. Husband, on the other hand looks at the shape, has no idea what number is on the rest of my clothes and goes based on visual. He actually gets annoyed when overzealous salespeople try to help him find the right size.

Husband sees me every day... the person I really am. He sees me in clothes and not in clothes (sorry mom, it's true), whether I am glammed up for a night out, or spending the day in my pjs and cutting my toenails. He probably knows how I actually look better than I do (especially since I stand up straighter and put my shoulders back whenever I look in the mirror).

I am deluded, and I'm pretty sure I don't like it. Maybe I should just get Husband to buy all my clothes. Maybe if I ask nicely, he'll just cut the tags off before giving them to me too.

Veggie Bacon

I try to shop by the idea that if it connects you to the ground, you should buy good quality. This means tires, mattresses and shoes (among others). Tires, different ones for different seasons. Mattresses, queen-sized, firm. Shoes, leather.

This is why I am not a vegetarian.

I really believe that it would be inhumane to strip animals of their skin and leave their carcasses to rot in the sun. I am willing to make these sacrifices.

The one thing I don't understand about vegetarianism, is where the notion came from that while it's wrong to eat meat, it's somehow ok to eat things that taste like meat. Wouldn't you find meat repulsive?

Let's think about this on a grander scale. I think we can all agree that cannibalism is probably wrong, so would it not seem odd if I asked for my beef to taste like brunette? "I really would like these carrots seasoned like red-head, you see, I won't actually EAT a red-head, but I really am craving one right now."

Put that in your house and smoke it. Mmm. That makes me think of bacon. Sweet sweet bacon.