Fake Tree... Fake Christmas

I can't do it...  I just can't.  For the last few weeks I have had my home decorated for a Christmas house tour, as around a thousand strangers tromped through and ooh-ed and ah-ed at my Christmas-y house (which incidently was decorated by the beginning of November).  It was fun, and today, as I take down Christmas decorations to send back to the store from whence they came, and replace them with more of my own, I can't help but stare at the artificial Christmas tree standing in the corner.   It's pretty enough.  Lit with lights and bedazzled with shiny baubles, it's ok. 

But, it's not a real tree.

Therefore, it's going away.

I can't, I'd die on the inside.  Christmas would not be complete unless there was a real tree stinking up the house real nice. 

People say they're too much work, so I decided to run a comparison.  Since I believe that putting up a fake tree is tantamount to eating a deli-turkey sandwich for Christmas dinner, I figured I'd see which was more work and effort.

We usually buy a tree rather than cut one (they tend to last better and are less scraggly), but I also buy my turkey rather than raise one and kill it, so I suppose we're even at the gate.

CHRISTMAS TREE:

Real Tree

Buying and bringing home tree - 45 minutes

Lighting and decorating (properly) - 2 hours

Watering 2 min/day over 14 days - 28 minutes

Undecorating - 1 hour

Vacuuming - 10 minutes

Artificial Tree

Dragging tree from closet and setting up - 45 minutes

Decorating - 30 minutes

Undecorating -30 minutes

Cramming back into closet - 10 minutes

Total time savings by using artificial tree - 2 hours 28 minutes.

CHRISTMAS DINNER

Real Dinner

Grocery shopping - 1 hour

Table setting - 1 hour

Cleaning for guests - 2 hours

Turkey - 4 hours

Potatoes - 45 minutes

Stuffing - 1 hour

Green Bean Casserole - 15 minutes

Gravy - 15 minutes

Carrots - 30 minutes

Homemade dinner rolls - 2 hours

Cranberry sauce - 20 minutes

Dessert - 1 hour

Cookie platter - 2 hours

Fake Dinner

make deli-turkey sandwich - 10 minutes

Total time savings by eating sandwich - 11 hours, 55 minutes

As you can see by my detailed and fully accurate comparison, You are saving far more time by making a sandwich than you ever would by getting an artificial tree.  Luckily, we have not yet found a way to kill the joy of Christmas dinner in the name of ease and expediency.  Granted, those among you who say that real trees are not worth it because they are too much work are probably the people who let their family do the turkey dinner, and merely attend. 

Let's not quibble.  I will bask in the light of my tree, with it's heavenly scent, and you can ignore yours in the corner while you watch TV.

Death sucks.

I'm not really a crier... I used to be, but there was a point in my life when it seemed like I had just run out.  I didn't have any tears left, and though the pain was still as real for me as for anyone else, I had lost the need to cry.  I don't think it's a problem, since everyone deals with grief in their own way, and my way just so happens to be different. 

Bring on the raging hormones. 

Being pregnant makes me well up at commercials.  It's foreign to me.  I don't know what to do with myself.

A friend of mine lost a dad this week.  Neither Husband nor I have living fathers anymore.  His died shortly after our wedding (almost exactly nine years ago), and mine four and a half years ago.  We still grieve.  Our lives were changed in such remarkable ways.  Our children won't have a grandfather, and as someone who grew up with all her grandparents (and still have my own grandfather), it's sometimes really hard to take. 

Hearing that someone else is walking where we have brings up all the pain again.  It sucks.  I hate that they need to feel this, and go through it, as much as I hate the fact that I understand all too well.  

Death is guaranteed.  There is nothing we can do to stop it, and nothing we can do to predict it, but it still hurts like hell sometimes, and I guess we just have to let it.

Working for Luck.

Everything in life is a balance of choices.  We make our choices and then they are ours to live with.  We sacrifice things that are not important to us to gain things that are.  I get frustrated sometimes when I feel that others judge me because of what I have gained, and don't understand the sacrifice. 

I was fortunate when I married Husband that we were mainly on the same page.  Number of cars notwithstanding, we usually have a pretty good grasp of our collective goals and do what we can to achieve them.  In doing this, we were able to pay off our first mortgage in 3 years and live mortgage free until we purchased our current house.  I agree, there was some luck involved, mainly pertaining to the housing market that skyrocketed soon after we purchased, but our ability to fully pay it off came down to work and sacrifice.  At the time, Husband was working a decently paying job (nothing stellar) and I was working for barely more than minimum wage, then he switched jobs to do something he loved and we were both low-pay scale.  We didn't have money pouring in but we put away every extra penny.  We didn't go on holidays, or out to movies, restaurant meals were few and far between. 

For our sacrifices, the common response is "You're so lucky".  Luck, my friends, is winning the lottery.    Even now, after purchasing our current home, we are still well into a positive net worth, which, I think, is fantastic for people our age. 

As a parent, I often feel the same way.  We look at each other and bestow the label of "lucky" without really understanding sacrifices.  I feel lucky in that Girl is healthy, not because she is well-behaved in the grocery store.    It frustrates me to no end when people tell me I'm lucky because Girl doesn't pull things from the shelves and run screaming up and down aisles.  They don't see the times I've abandoned a cart of groceries, or held a screaming child while paying (because I wouldn't put her down to run free).  The sad thing is, that if those same people DID see that, they would judge me as being a bad mother. It's a catch 22. 

Recently, on a side note, my widowed mother was asked where she worked. She doesn't work.  The people were surprised and she simply commented "life insurance".  (She didn't get a huge amount, but she lives simply and manages).  These people told her she was LUCKY.  I wanted to hit them.  She is fortunate to have the option, but if given the choice, she would throw away the money and take my dad in a heartbeat. 

I think it's time that we as parents, and as humans, started giving each other the benefit of the doubt and just stopped using the word "lucky" all together (unless of course, someone wins the lottery, then use it all you want).  Everyone has reasons to be thankful and feel fortunate, but when you start using that as a way to somehow make yourself feel better ("oh, they're just lucky, their kids must have been born well-disciplined"), you're doing no one justice. 

I am fortunate, and I'll be the first to admit it.  But don't tell me I don't work for it too.

If you're going to eat Chocolate cake...

... you'd better make it a good one.

Here is a good one.  After eating this cake, I will never use a cake mix again.


3 ounces semisweet chocolate
1 1/2 cups strong hot brewed coffee
3 cups sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups unsweetened cocoa powder (not Dutch process)
2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
3 large eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups well-shaken buttermilk
3/4 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 300°F. and grease pans. Line bottoms with rounds of wax paper and grease paper.

Finely chop chocolate and in a bowl combine with hot coffee. Let mixture stand, stirring occasionally, until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.

Into a large bowl sift together sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In another large bowl with an electric mixer beat eggs until thickened slightly and lemon colored (about 3 minutes with a standing mixer or 5 minutes with a hand-held mixer). Slowly add oil, buttermilk, vanilla, and melted chocolate mixture to eggs, beating until combined well. Add sugar mixture and beat on medium speed until just combined well. Divide batter between pans and bake in middle of oven until a tester inserted in center comes out clean, 1 hour to 1 hour and 10 minutes.

Cool layers completely in pans on racks. Run a thin knife around edges of pans and invert layers onto racks. Carefully remove wax paper and cool layers completely. Cake layers may be made 1 day ahead and kept, wrapped well in plastic wrap, at room temperature.  Cake layers can also be frozen and will keep, well wrapped, for a few weeks. 

Frost with your favourite frosting, or coat with a ganache.

(epicurious.com)

Choices.

I'm torn.

I want to go back.  My brain tells me that I should, that I made a commitment, but the rest of me tells me I've already failed, so why bother?

After more than six weeks of morning sickness, the likes of which I would never want to experience again, and being completely unable to cook, I have completely depleted my resources.  All the food I worked so hard for 3 weeks to create, store and stash is gone.  I have nothing to fall back on anymore, no quick meals to pull from the freezer for the days when cooking is a chore.  It was hard work, but I had gotten myself to a comfortable point of maintenance when all hell broke loose.  I was unable to look at food, smell food, cook food and for the most part, eat food.  Regular Cheerios saved me.

The idea of starting all over again now is hugely daunting, because it truly feels like I'm starting from scratch, and if given the choice of whether to start this now, I can't say I would make the same decision.  I think if I had been able to continue without interruption, I would have stayed the course...

... but life changed. 

I think what I may do, is modify.  I still have a stack of exciting recipes to try, and fun food experiments to do, and that is what excites me most. 

The fact that I didn't go through weird withdrawl symptoms or have any physical reactions because of my diet change, kind of proved my point.  That was what I was mainly curious about...  would my body go through some sort of shock?  or would I suddenly "feel" healthier?  Those two factors were the only reactions that would have made me really question the diet I was previously eating.  It didn't happen.  Husband lost weight, but he also went hungry a lot of the time because he didn't know what to eat.  We weren't hit with extra energy, our have any noticable differences in the way our body processes food.  That said, we didn't have a bad diet to start off with.  Perhaps if we did, like we ONLY ate processed food, we might have seen a difference. 

It proved the point I was hoping to make for myself.  Life is about balance.  There is no evil food, there is no food that will help you live forever.  Think moderation, and balance.  Eat what you love, and love those you eat with.  Life is too short to cut out the things you love.

Eating only homemade and food made from scratch made us miss some of that.  Not only the food, but the fellowship and family.  We were unable to go out with our friends and family to most restaurants.  Even those that boasted about cooking from scratch had ingredients that I had purged from my fridge. 

There are a lot of things I won't go back to, and I'll continue to post fun from-scratch recipes, but I might have to keep Cheerios in my cupboard.

Internet Propaganda

It litters my Facebook newsfeed.  Internet propaganda.  We all know what it is, those little links that people post to "make a point" that they are somehow superior because someone else has "done a study" about something or another.  The latest one that bugs me is the McDonalds happy meal "experiment".  You've seen it.  Someone took a plain hamburger and fries, left it on a plate for 6 months and then concluded that because it didn't decompose, it was obviously so full of preservatives and plastic that it was not actual food.   I don't even want to post the link because it's so preposterous, but in the interest of full-disclosure, here you go.   This isn't the actual experiment, but rather a typical blog post about it.   (I'm curious to know why they expected to find worms?  I have let PLENTY of food rot in my house, and so far, no worms.  Oh yeah, because worms are living creatures who need to come from somewhere... like an egg)

As soon as I saw this so-called-experiment, I was dubious (to be polite).  Take the bread to start...  as someone who makes her own bread crumbs by doing little but leaving bread on a counter until it petrifies, I can attest that if you leave bread in a bag, it will grow mould, but if you leave it exposed to the open air, the moisture content will dissipate faster than mould can grow.  Mould needs moisture.  I could tell that all that was happening was that this hamburger was drying out and petrifying well before being allowed to rot.

Even consider your compost bin...  stuff doesn't decompose if you just leave it out there, you have to mix it together, add moisture and heat.

All I wanted to do was go out, buy an organic tofu burger and do the exact same experiment.

Luckily, 30 seconds on the internet saved me the trouble (of having half a dozen different hamburgers drying out on my dining room table).  Lo and behold, people had already done it.   This time, however, they had followed the rules of an elementary school science fair, and included more than one variable, and... *drumroll* ... a CONTROL.  (If you're trying to prove that a certain hamburger doesn't rot because of the amount of preservatives, you'd better darn well try the same experiment with a hamburger that has no preservatives.)

Surprise, surprise.  All the hamburgers acted in exactly the same way, thereby proving that this "experiment" that is so widely promoted as fact, is in fact, hogwash.  (And before you start whining about the fries, someone did an experiment on that one too)

Test your spirits people, don't believe everything you read on the internet.  If you look hard enough, you can "prove" just about anything, whether actually valid or not.  If you don't want to eat fast food, that's your choice, but that doesn't mean you need to judge others for their choices.  I have no problems with fast food, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I don't eat it often, but when I do, I enjoy it.  I balance it with fresh vegetables, whole grains and lean protein, and I don't feel guilty.

Mommy Therapy

I try really hard not to brag about my daughter (because really...  it's too easy), but sometimes...  I just can't help it.  I knew I had to do a post like this at some point, even if only because I have been so terrible keeping notes for her baby book.  At some point I needed to write down a little bit about her so people would think I've been paying attention. 

Girl is brilliant.  I am her mother and I can say that.

At 21-months-old, she has been daytime potty trained for 5 months now.  I haven't attempted night-training because she can't use the toilet on her own (or get out of her crib for that matter) and I like the 12 hours of peace she gives me on a daily basis.  People may think I'm nuts to train her that early, but it wasn't really my idea.  She came up with it on her own.  Yes, I did spend a week at home, following, prompting and cleaning up accidents, she didn't actually potty-train herself... but the idea was all hers.

She knows her letters, all of them, not in order, and can recognize her own name.  She counted to 13 on Monday when I had a corroborating witness in the car with me (she had done it before, but I was alone with her).  About half the time she says please and thank-you without being prompted and is starting to add the "may I..." to the sentences.  There is nothing cuter than a kid who says "thanks mom" when you hand her something. 

Some recent sentences:  "I'm crying about the dinosaurs"... "I'll get a pillow for you, mom"... "There's a lion looking in the window"...

I think I needed this post.  It was kind of therapeutic, since yesterday I could have used a stiff drink.  With all children, there are days when the whine in their voice grates on you, and for whatever reason they just aren't happy with anything.  It's exhausting and frustrating and sometimes I think I'd pick chinese water torture over it.

But...  when you force yourself to remember the moments of happiness, of triumph and love, it gets you through. 

Happy Movember.

There are seldom times when I wish I could grow a mustache.  However, I can make an exception for November...  or "Movember". 

Bring pregnant during Breast Cancer Awareness Month it constantly made me well up a little when they'd run commercials about the fire fighters wearing pink in support of breast cancer research, same with football players.  As a woman, I often wonder why breast cancer seems to get so much more publicity.  Husband had a point when he mentioned that women are really just more organized.  And hey. men like breasts, women have breasts, it's kind of win-win for everybody.

Prostate cancer on the other hand...  nobody really wants to talk about the prostate.  Women don't have one, and men... well...  it's a sensitive area.  

So, if Husband wants to grow a mustache this month in support of Prostate cancer research, I'll be as supportive as all those manly firemen in their pink t-shirts.  I'll also be watching...  anyone with a fuzzy upper lip will get a thumbs-up from me!

Bonus points to you guys who are a bit patchy and scraggly.

I've missed you... Productivity.

I really think I may have hit the next level.  I haven't had to force my cheerios down for the last 2 mornings and I have rediscovered energy and the need to be productive.  Hello second trimester!  I've been waiting for your arrival, and am happy to see you!

I figured it out yesterday when I had the overwhelming urge to scrub Husband's shower (which, admittedly, has been in a sorry state of cleanliness for a while now).  I feel like I can get anything done today.  I am superwoman and nothing is going to stop me. 

I've been feeling so behind, but just too exhausted to do anything about it.  I still have a few lingering arguments with food, but I'm hoping we can patch things up soon. 

Today is a new day, a day for laundry, organization, cleanliness and order.  I might even do the dishes! (this is surprising because for the last 6 weeks dirty dishes have made me gag). 

Light in the Dark.

I had some interesting discussions in the last few days.  There is such an interesting polarity within Christian circles about the *insert creepy music* darkest night of the year.  Yup, Halloween has come and gone and I'm still terrified. 

As someone who grew up in a strong Christian household and also "celebrated" Halloween (if to you celebrating is dressing up in a fun costume and going out to get candy), I've never really seen a big problem with it.  Yes, there are those who love their fear and gore, and likely some weirdo people out there, but really, those people are out all year long.

In some ways, I can understand why Christians feel uneasy about Halloween, often with the rationale that Halloween was created to celebrate evil.  I personally am not willing to give the devil a whole day, so rather than hide out in the basement, I am going to use it as the opportunity it is. 

Over the years I have heard quoted the popular "Be in the world, but not of the world" (which I had always believed was a direct quote from the Bible... interestingly, it's a mix of a handful of verses in John 17).  We have Christians have used this as an excuse to segregate ourselves, with the pious attitude that we are doing the world a service.   Being in the world, in my opinion, is not merely being physically present on the earth.  What purpose does that serve?

We are called to be salt and light.  Lets think about that for a minute.  What do you do with salt?  You mix it in.  You use it, ideally in a way that it is unnoticed, in small amounts to bring out the flavours of a large amount of food.  You don't collect all the salt and hide it in the cupboard, (unless you have high blood pressure of course).  Similarly, when does light have the greatest effect?  When it's dark.  And when is it even more effective? When there are a lot of lights together in the dark.  We aren't called to put all our lights in one room together, hiding out in hopes that the rest of the dark world will just see it and come like moths to the flame.

But that's what we do.

We have taken our kids out of public schools so they aren't influenced, but in the process we forget what good influence our child can have on a classroom of peers.  We surround ourselves with people just like us, and don't seem to care that all our friends are from church.  We abstain from all activities with "non-church people".  What good is light if it's hidden in the cupboard?

Halloween is an opportunity.  At the most basic level it is an opportunity to meet your neighbours, people you share pavement with and may not have opportunities to meet.  It is an opportunity to be hospitable, open your doors to the kids in the neighbourhood, show love and appreciation for them.  It is an opportunity to be part of keeping your streets safe, and those bound for trouble somewhere else. 

We are called to be light... and what night could use more light than Halloween?