Fake Tree... Fake Christmas

I can't do it...  I just can't.  For the last few weeks I have had my home decorated for a Christmas house tour, as around a thousand strangers tromped through and ooh-ed and ah-ed at my Christmas-y house (which incidently was decorated by the beginning of November).  It was fun, and today, as I take down Christmas decorations to send back to the store from whence they came, and replace them with more of my own, I can't help but stare at the artificial Christmas tree standing in the corner.   It's pretty enough.  Lit with lights and bedazzled with shiny baubles, it's ok. 

But, it's not a real tree.

Therefore, it's going away.

I can't, I'd die on the inside.  Christmas would not be complete unless there was a real tree stinking up the house real nice. 

People say they're too much work, so I decided to run a comparison.  Since I believe that putting up a fake tree is tantamount to eating a deli-turkey sandwich for Christmas dinner, I figured I'd see which was more work and effort.

We usually buy a tree rather than cut one (they tend to last better and are less scraggly), but I also buy my turkey rather than raise one and kill it, so I suppose we're even at the gate.

CHRISTMAS TREE:

Real Tree

Buying and bringing home tree - 45 minutes

Lighting and decorating (properly) - 2 hours

Watering 2 min/day over 14 days - 28 minutes

Undecorating - 1 hour

Vacuuming - 10 minutes

Artificial Tree

Dragging tree from closet and setting up - 45 minutes

Decorating - 30 minutes

Undecorating -30 minutes

Cramming back into closet - 10 minutes

Total time savings by using artificial tree - 2 hours 28 minutes.

CHRISTMAS DINNER

Real Dinner

Grocery shopping - 1 hour

Table setting - 1 hour

Cleaning for guests - 2 hours

Turkey - 4 hours

Potatoes - 45 minutes

Stuffing - 1 hour

Green Bean Casserole - 15 minutes

Gravy - 15 minutes

Carrots - 30 minutes

Homemade dinner rolls - 2 hours

Cranberry sauce - 20 minutes

Dessert - 1 hour

Cookie platter - 2 hours

Fake Dinner

make deli-turkey sandwich - 10 minutes

Total time savings by eating sandwich - 11 hours, 55 minutes

As you can see by my detailed and fully accurate comparison, You are saving far more time by making a sandwich than you ever would by getting an artificial tree.  Luckily, we have not yet found a way to kill the joy of Christmas dinner in the name of ease and expediency.  Granted, those among you who say that real trees are not worth it because they are too much work are probably the people who let their family do the turkey dinner, and merely attend. 

Let's not quibble.  I will bask in the light of my tree, with it's heavenly scent, and you can ignore yours in the corner while you watch TV.