Working for Luck.

Everything in life is a balance of choices.  We make our choices and then they are ours to live with.  We sacrifice things that are not important to us to gain things that are.  I get frustrated sometimes when I feel that others judge me because of what I have gained, and don't understand the sacrifice. 

I was fortunate when I married Husband that we were mainly on the same page.  Number of cars notwithstanding, we usually have a pretty good grasp of our collective goals and do what we can to achieve them.  In doing this, we were able to pay off our first mortgage in 3 years and live mortgage free until we purchased our current house.  I agree, there was some luck involved, mainly pertaining to the housing market that skyrocketed soon after we purchased, but our ability to fully pay it off came down to work and sacrifice.  At the time, Husband was working a decently paying job (nothing stellar) and I was working for barely more than minimum wage, then he switched jobs to do something he loved and we were both low-pay scale.  We didn't have money pouring in but we put away every extra penny.  We didn't go on holidays, or out to movies, restaurant meals were few and far between. 

For our sacrifices, the common response is "You're so lucky".  Luck, my friends, is winning the lottery.    Even now, after purchasing our current home, we are still well into a positive net worth, which, I think, is fantastic for people our age. 

As a parent, I often feel the same way.  We look at each other and bestow the label of "lucky" without really understanding sacrifices.  I feel lucky in that Girl is healthy, not because she is well-behaved in the grocery store.    It frustrates me to no end when people tell me I'm lucky because Girl doesn't pull things from the shelves and run screaming up and down aisles.  They don't see the times I've abandoned a cart of groceries, or held a screaming child while paying (because I wouldn't put her down to run free).  The sad thing is, that if those same people DID see that, they would judge me as being a bad mother. It's a catch 22. 

Recently, on a side note, my widowed mother was asked where she worked. She doesn't work.  The people were surprised and she simply commented "life insurance".  (She didn't get a huge amount, but she lives simply and manages).  These people told her she was LUCKY.  I wanted to hit them.  She is fortunate to have the option, but if given the choice, she would throw away the money and take my dad in a heartbeat. 

I think it's time that we as parents, and as humans, started giving each other the benefit of the doubt and just stopped using the word "lucky" all together (unless of course, someone wins the lottery, then use it all you want).  Everyone has reasons to be thankful and feel fortunate, but when you start using that as a way to somehow make yourself feel better ("oh, they're just lucky, their kids must have been born well-disciplined"), you're doing no one justice. 

I am fortunate, and I'll be the first to admit it.  But don't tell me I don't work for it too.