Choices.

I'm torn.

I want to go back.  My brain tells me that I should, that I made a commitment, but the rest of me tells me I've already failed, so why bother?

After more than six weeks of morning sickness, the likes of which I would never want to experience again, and being completely unable to cook, I have completely depleted my resources.  All the food I worked so hard for 3 weeks to create, store and stash is gone.  I have nothing to fall back on anymore, no quick meals to pull from the freezer for the days when cooking is a chore.  It was hard work, but I had gotten myself to a comfortable point of maintenance when all hell broke loose.  I was unable to look at food, smell food, cook food and for the most part, eat food.  Regular Cheerios saved me.

The idea of starting all over again now is hugely daunting, because it truly feels like I'm starting from scratch, and if given the choice of whether to start this now, I can't say I would make the same decision.  I think if I had been able to continue without interruption, I would have stayed the course...

... but life changed. 

I think what I may do, is modify.  I still have a stack of exciting recipes to try, and fun food experiments to do, and that is what excites me most. 

The fact that I didn't go through weird withdrawl symptoms or have any physical reactions because of my diet change, kind of proved my point.  That was what I was mainly curious about...  would my body go through some sort of shock?  or would I suddenly "feel" healthier?  Those two factors were the only reactions that would have made me really question the diet I was previously eating.  It didn't happen.  Husband lost weight, but he also went hungry a lot of the time because he didn't know what to eat.  We weren't hit with extra energy, our have any noticable differences in the way our body processes food.  That said, we didn't have a bad diet to start off with.  Perhaps if we did, like we ONLY ate processed food, we might have seen a difference. 

It proved the point I was hoping to make for myself.  Life is about balance.  There is no evil food, there is no food that will help you live forever.  Think moderation, and balance.  Eat what you love, and love those you eat with.  Life is too short to cut out the things you love.

Eating only homemade and food made from scratch made us miss some of that.  Not only the food, but the fellowship and family.  We were unable to go out with our friends and family to most restaurants.  Even those that boasted about cooking from scratch had ingredients that I had purged from my fridge. 

There are a lot of things I won't go back to, and I'll continue to post fun from-scratch recipes, but I might have to keep Cheerios in my cupboard.