Happily Ever After

I`m starting to get to the point that I`ve been married long enough that I feel comfortable giving relationship advice.  I`m still a good long ways away from giving people parenting advice (save for on my blog where I can be as self-serving and cocky as I like).  I`ve been married for almost 9 years now, which is pretty long given the statistics.  We're well past the 2 years where you "aren't as physically attracted to your partner" and far enough past the "7 year itch" that I can safely say it's not going to happen. 

I would like to start by saying that the oldest, and most-spoken marital advice ever given is wrong.  At least for us. 

Husband and I were married by a pastor who didn't seem to want us to get married, so let's just say that the premarital counselling sessions were an exercise in patience and self-control.  He didn't really have any good excuse, so maybe he was just testing us by fire.  Sure, let's go with that.  He seemed pretty disappointed when Husband and I weren't really swayed by his incessant "trick questions".  We had in fact, already talked about money, sex, children, families, etc etc etc.   One of the things we were told, both in premarital sessions and by every "adult" around was "NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY".

Now, I agree with this idea in concept, but in action, it just doesn't work for us.  Having grown up in a family where we hashed stuff out until everyone was bleary-eyed and groggy enough to agree to anything,  I thought, "yup, that's how it's gonna be!"...  and then I got married. 

Let me explain.  Husband and I don't seriously argue often.  Yes, we have disagreements, but the actual "knock-down-drag-out-fight-dirty" kind of arguments are quite rare, and every single one of them happen at one of 2 times:   Before dinner...  and before bed. 

Sometimes I'm convinced that Husband must be hypoglycemic or something (and it almost hurts to admit that his mom was right when she told me to give him chocolate milk when he's upset).   I've come to the realization that if we're getting to the point where we're picking fights, we either need to eat, or sleep.  No amount of "hashing it out" will help us until we are fed and rested. 

This is especially true of the arguments that aren't really about anything, or directed at anyone, rather just an outlet for leftover frustration.  Sometimes, you just need to go to bed and everything will be a bit sunnier and easier to take in the light of day. 

This is hard for me, because I like to hash it out, and you know, if EVERYONE says you shouldn't go to bed angry, then who am I to say differently?  (I really like to go along with the crowd)  but maybe, just maybe, some of those people are wrong.   Just like the people who wear g-strings to the beach.

12 Minutes to a Newer, Better Me!

I've had pneumonia for the last few weeks, so I've been catching up on my daytime television.  This week, I learned all about the Denise Austin Daily Dozen.  It's a diet plan where you exercise for 12 minutes a day, eat sensibly and lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks.  

Sounds great, I'd love to lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks.  Sounds great until I remember that I already exercise 30-60 minutes a day, 5 days a week and eat sensibly.  How sedentary do you have to be to be able to lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks by exercising a grand total of 84 minutes a week?   While I don't envy the obese, it  nevertheless makes me cringe when I hear stories about how "I stopped drinking pop and lost 57 pounds"  or "I started walking the 2 flights of stairs at work and lost 25 pounds".  It almost doesn't seem fair.  I don't drink much pop, I usually take the stairs, I'm fairly active and don't eat a lot of crap, yet somehow there is still 20 pounds that just won't go away.

Like I said, I had pneumonia.  I barely ate for a week and MAYBE lost 5 pounds.  (ok, before you get all weird, I'm well aware that this is not a diet and I'm not in any way expecting the 5 pounds to STAY gone now that nutrients have started entering my body again, so just calm down).   Oh well, soon enough my lungs will start working properly and I can get on the treadmill again.  Likely for a lot more than 12 minutes a day.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I took Girl to get her one-year shots today, and I hear all these stories about how awful it is watching your children get shots, and how mothers cry with their children, or can't watch, or need someone else to hold their child still. I don't seem to have that problem. At times I have found myself wondering what it is inside me that is broken. I am able to hold Girl still, pin her arms and watch her get 3 shots in a row without so much as a lump in my throat. Is that normal?

I try to convince myself that I'm just a strong person who doesn't let her emotions get the better of her, but to be honest, I'm not thinking about it much. Shots are just one of those things. They suck, but you do them, and get through them and then they're done. Bite down on the strap and when it's all over, you can have some juice.

Girl hurts herself all the time. Not seriously of course, but enough to make her cry for a while. I'm never happy when she's hurt or upset, but usually when she cries I cuddle her and gently remind her that gravity will always be there and she needs to make sure her feet are under her when she crawls off the couch. What point is there in falling if you don't know why you fell?

I used to be more sensitive. There was a time when I couldn't return something to a store because I was afraid they'd get mad at me. I'm pretty sure I know when that turned, and while I'm glad I can go to customer service without fear, I sometimes wonder if maybe it went too far. I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything, after all, crying isn't usually something that people want to do. I just wonder sometimes if the point between logic and sentimentality shouldn't be a little closer to the middle.

The best of both worlds?

There are very few times that I envy Americans. Not that I think it's a bad place to live, I just think Canada suits me better (mosquitos notwithstanding). That said, I itch for deals, bargains, coupons and FREE FREE THINGS which I really don't think Canada has... at least, not in the same way.

We Canucks have our loyalty clubs, which force us to be loyal to stores in hopes of someday cashing in on free services, groceries and the like. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my points, but there is something to be said for the thrill of the hunt, clipping enough coupons, doubling them and then finding out that your cart full of groceries cost you a whopping $4. It's somehow not the same to spend a year collecting points to get that same cart of groceries for free. It's kind of like earning money vs finding $20 in your pocket you didn't know about. it's the same money, but the thrill just isn't there. Not to mention, it's almost anticlimactic to REDEEM your points once you get a big, satisfying pile of them all stacked up together in a happy little group.

I keep trying. I watch my fliers, and scour them for the best deals, hoping that in some small way I can work the system enough to make myself happy. For example, a few weeks ago at Sobeys, I bought 3 packages of KD for $2.98 and got 300 points. (about equivalent to $2.00 in free groceries). Ok, so I didn't just buy 3 but I stopped myself from buying more than I'd actually eat though, which made it a success.

Someday I'll find the fulfillment I'm craving. Even if it means a trip south of the border. But until then, I will live vicariously through my SIL who is a master. Check out her blog.

Is it so wrong to want both? Because as much as I want the coupons and the tricks and such... I also want my $500 in free groceries. I really gotta go spend that soon, before inflation makes it worth less!

Accountability According to Oprah

I was watching Oprah last week. I admit it, I'm secure with myself. Sarah Palin and her daughter were on there talking to Oprah about having a baby, blah blah blah. (I wasn't really paying that much attention). I did however tune in when Oprah said that people shouldn't make a verbal commitment to be a virgin until they are married because "you just never know" and then if you lose your virginity before you get married, people will judge you more harshly because you made the commitment in the first place.

I think Husband put it best when he said: "Yeah, it's best not to be accountable. Don't tell anyone you are starting a new diet or workout plan either, because then you won't feel as bad when you quit"

When did accountability become a bad thing? Why can't you just make a commitment and then have the cajones to back it up? Making your commitment public is the best thing to help you. Shame is a darn good motivator!

My Toxic Relationship

There will come a time when people realize the inevitable is in fact inevitable. I am going to die, and there's very little I can do about it. This is why I am tired of hearing about toxins. There are toxins in everything we eat, everything we do, and short of getting a bubble and not eating anything, it's kind of a fact of life.

SO, here's the deal. I could spend the rest of my life eating nothing but sprouts and uncooked wheat in the vain and fruitless attempt to live forever, or, here's an idea, I can enjoy the life I am given. I like food. I always will, and no matter how many times you tell me red dye #4 is going to kill me, I'm still going to eat M&Ms. (disclaimer: I don't in fact know that M&Ms HAVE red dye #4). I'm going to drink the occasional diet cola because it makes me feel better than wasting my entire day's workout on one drink. I'm going to eat Burger King Poutine sometimes. I am also going to drive a car, spray paint without a mask (outside of course), and maybe even run in the grass even if I don't know if it's been chemically treated. I am going to buy tomatoes in the winter, from the grocery store, even though they don't taste the same. I'm going to use mosquito spray because hey, I'm not a fan of sitting inside all summer. All this because truthfully, I might die tomorrow anyway, and I might as well enjoy myself!

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying "go nuts! life is short! eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we DIE!" (unless of course you really ARE dying tomorrow). I'm just an advocate of BALANCE. Don't fret so much about the toxins in your body, because I'm telling you, it will rot your soul. Smile, hug someone, and share your M&Ms.

Resolutions

Resolution time. Ok, so I'm a little late... add that to my resolutions. Overall, I don't really believe in resolutions, but considering I'm the type of person who can only realistically start an exercise program on a monday (any other day just doesn't make sense, why would I start something when half the week is over?) I figure the new year is kind of like a big giant monday. That said, I did start a new exercise program (read: AN exercise program). I did wait until the first Monday to do it though... is that weird? Kind of the perfect storm that way.

I know I need to eat better, and I know I need to exercise, but man... I'm not a big fan. I started exercising at the beginning of the day to get it over with. The TV isn't that great in the morning, (no primetime dramas to keep me interested), but it does allow me to exercise 5 days a week rather than 4 (my workout programs never included Friday night).

The thing I haven't really figured out yet is what the heck I'm supposed to eat. The only "diet" that ever worked for me (and did it ever) was low carb, but I'm not insane. I like potatoes and perogies too much. I think I'll just keep chanting "moderation" as my mantra. I can deal with that. I'll eat lots of veggies, less junk, and it still lets me sneak a Burger King poutine in there once in a while.

For now, I'll just sit here, typing and sipping my caffeine-free-diet-cola and rotting my brain (according to Husband) while I try not to eat the ice cream sandwiches that are waving at me from the freezer.