Happily Ever After

I`m starting to get to the point that I`ve been married long enough that I feel comfortable giving relationship advice.  I`m still a good long ways away from giving people parenting advice (save for on my blog where I can be as self-serving and cocky as I like).  I`ve been married for almost 9 years now, which is pretty long given the statistics.  We're well past the 2 years where you "aren't as physically attracted to your partner" and far enough past the "7 year itch" that I can safely say it's not going to happen. 

I would like to start by saying that the oldest, and most-spoken marital advice ever given is wrong.  At least for us. 

Husband and I were married by a pastor who didn't seem to want us to get married, so let's just say that the premarital counselling sessions were an exercise in patience and self-control.  He didn't really have any good excuse, so maybe he was just testing us by fire.  Sure, let's go with that.  He seemed pretty disappointed when Husband and I weren't really swayed by his incessant "trick questions".  We had in fact, already talked about money, sex, children, families, etc etc etc.   One of the things we were told, both in premarital sessions and by every "adult" around was "NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY".

Now, I agree with this idea in concept, but in action, it just doesn't work for us.  Having grown up in a family where we hashed stuff out until everyone was bleary-eyed and groggy enough to agree to anything,  I thought, "yup, that's how it's gonna be!"...  and then I got married. 

Let me explain.  Husband and I don't seriously argue often.  Yes, we have disagreements, but the actual "knock-down-drag-out-fight-dirty" kind of arguments are quite rare, and every single one of them happen at one of 2 times:   Before dinner...  and before bed. 

Sometimes I'm convinced that Husband must be hypoglycemic or something (and it almost hurts to admit that his mom was right when she told me to give him chocolate milk when he's upset).   I've come to the realization that if we're getting to the point where we're picking fights, we either need to eat, or sleep.  No amount of "hashing it out" will help us until we are fed and rested. 

This is especially true of the arguments that aren't really about anything, or directed at anyone, rather just an outlet for leftover frustration.  Sometimes, you just need to go to bed and everything will be a bit sunnier and easier to take in the light of day. 

This is hard for me, because I like to hash it out, and you know, if EVERYONE says you shouldn't go to bed angry, then who am I to say differently?  (I really like to go along with the crowd)  but maybe, just maybe, some of those people are wrong.   Just like the people who wear g-strings to the beach.