Using the word "Baby" in my facebook status does NOT mean I'm pregnant, but thanks for asking.

It's probably my own fault.  Everyone who knows me knows I haven't been preventing babies since trying to have one with Girl.  Ideally I wanted twins, but when that didn't pan out I decided to go for two as close together as possible.  Well...  here we are, Girl is one and a half and no siblings.  Not even a glimmer.  Apparently I'm one of those people for whom nursing is a foolproof contraceptive, even though Girl slept 12 hours at a time and only ate twice a day (let me clarify, she did eat solids the rest of the time.  I wasn't starving her).

*Sigh*

Of course...  the moment I wear anything with an empire waist, or feel a bit ill, or just glow a little too much, the eyebrows go up and the whispers start.  Trust me, I'm with you.  Every time my chest aches, or I'm feeling a little under the weather, I wonder too.  Unfortunately the ease at which I was able to read my body disappeared when I got pregnant the first time.  In the good old days, I could tell when I ovulated, and was pretty darn sure I was pregnant before taking a test.  Now?  Not so much.  It's annoying.    I've been burping and nauseous for 3 months straight, but does it bother me?

Of course.

I guess I'll just keep trying.  Husband had better get his game face on.

The Shortest Distance Between Two Points.

I try really hard not to be passive aggressive, but I have to admit, my dislike for confrontation and the repercussions of it tend to make me sway a bit into dangerous territory sometimes.  However, I do think that as a society we should put an end to this destructive habit.   I want to be forthright.  To quote Dr. Seuss, you should: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." 

I don't like self-imposed matryrdom.  I don't like guilt imposed on others.  I want people to be straight with me, even if they think it'll hurt, because it means more to me to have honest people around me than maintaining my feelings. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of people telling me they don't like something I said or did, as I'm pretty sure is the case for anyone with a heart.  That said, hear me out.  Perhaps, if we were more outspoken, and really told people how we felt, others would realize their mistakes and perhaps we'd all be better people for it. 

I don't have a lot of trouble seeing through passive-aggressive behaviour.  It's as obvious as bird crap on the windshield.  It's also the easy way out.  It's going to get an eye-roll from me, and a firm determination to avoid change.  I figure, why should I fix something if you're not even going to bother telling me?

As a slight aside...  To anyone out there who thinks I may be speaking directly at them...  if you feel convicted, be convicted, but I assure you, I have no specific person in mind as I write this.  That my friends would be passive aggressive.  I just really want to make a difference here, and I think that changing the way we treat each other will do great things for all of us. 

Let's start being straight with each other.

Two is better than one.

I need to stare at the computer more. 

My mind is full of stories, and I need to get them out before they disappear.  I've always dreamed of being published, but never in my life have I had a story that I felt was really worth telling.

At the moment, I have two, one of which is the start of a three-book series. 

With Girl testing the waters of the Terrible-Twos, combined with renovating my brother's new house and my own household to run, my time is at a premium.  I can only really write when Girl sleeps, but usually by then I'd rather be sleeping too (or savouring a piece of chocolate without little eyes begging me to share.)

I also don't know what to do.  I am 180 pages into book #1 (of the three-book-series), and have committed to a slight variation in style (meaning I need to go back and re-write the parts already written rather than finishing and having to rewrite it all anyway), and here I am, with new inspiration.  Do I table the first book and jump headlong into a new one? (with hopes that I'll be able to come back to it refreshed and renewed, and able to remember what was still to come), or do I continue the path with the first and jot down the ideas for the second to come back to later?

This is new to me.  I'm sure it would be easier to jump back and forth if I wasn't looking at months of naptime writing for each one.  I know if all the problems to have as a writer, "too many ideas" is not a very good one.  It's kind of like saying you have too much money and don't have enough mall-time scheduled.  But, this is my blog, so there.

I have to choose, and I don't know how.

Creative Floodgates

I don't know what it is... but sometimes it feels like I've inadvertantly opened the floodgates.  I'm not really sure how to stop them.

I have always considered myself a creative person.  As a child my biggest goal in life was to be a writer.  I loved imagining, creating, art, photography, music, and everything typical of the right-brained among us.   As an adult, that started to disappear.  I still felt I was creative, but the daily grind of life, work and home took over.  It was not the time for creativity. 

Recently, I have had the chance to embrace that part of my brain again.  Perhaps it is motherhood and being thrust into a world of constant make-believe.  Maybe it's the hours spent nursing a baby and needing my mind to stay active.  Whatever the cause, I am now unable to keep up with my brain.   Suddenly I have found the stories I looked for earlier in my life (when I would have had more time to write).  Not only that, I have more stories than I know what to do with.  I am seeing the world differently and finding my way in this new place.

I know I need to jot them down, just in case this creative time passes as quickly as it came.  Roll with the punches, run with the ball. 

I'd better get back to it, before Girl wakes up and I'm back to real life.

Birthdays of note.

I just turned 30 and I'm not sure what all the fuss was about.  Maybe it's my perception of the age, given that television tells me hitting my 30's is pushing me one step closer to the grave, and all my fun is over.  Because I know myself, I figured I was unlikely to suffer a breakdown by the change in decade, and I was right.  It was just another birthday (albeit a good one).  There was no crying, no gnashing of teeth and no regrets.  I figure hitting the new decade just means I have 10 shiny new years to fill. 

I don't really know why people have difficulty with the big 3-0.  it's really not that bad.  I suppose it's all mindset though.  If you are prone to the idea that 30 makes you "old", it might be a tough pill to swallow...  but to me, I feel I've lived long enough and experienced enough to be given the honour.   It's the perfect age.  You are old enough that you can be considered a grown up if you so choose, and you can still fall into the "young and stupid" bracket. 

Maybe it's because I have no regrets.  I think all birthdays would be tough if you weren't pleased at the way your life had transpired.  I've crossed enough off my life list to be happy with where I am and recognize that there is still a WHOLE lot of life left to finish the rest. 

Here's hoping I'm around to hit the next 30.

I'm in Perfect Health, Please Don't Worry.

I hope people don't start thinking I'm dying. 

I've just had this urge lately to do all those things that have noodled around in my brain for as long as I can remember.  Perhaps it's because I haven't been gainfully employed in a brain-melting job for so long that I've started to get my inspiration back.  I no longer spend 8 hours of every day doing pointless tasks for someone else, so in that time, my brain is allowed the freedom to be used for me. 

Maybe it's because I want to be an example to Girl.  I want her to know that any dream is worthwhile pursuing, even if it's just to quiet the "what ifs".  I don't want her to settle for my idea of how her life should be... (or anyone else's).

So, I'm going to do it all.  Why not?  Whatever stupid little voices in my head that say it's unrealistic can just tone it down a bit and be drowned out by those other voices that are just SCREAMING at me to get in gear.  I can do whatever I want to do and I'm going to keep doing it. 

So, if you think I'm working on my life list, I suppose you're right (I refuse to call it a "Bucket List" by the way... even if it is a popular phrase right now). 

Unfortunately for every item I cross off, more appear below it.

Diary of an Inventor, Part 14... MAILING DAY!

*Does a little dance for Mailing Day!*

It's true...  I've reached that point where I can throw this little bird out of the nest and get it to do some work for ME for once!  So, much to all your pleasure I'm sure, it is also the point where I figure I can unveil it to the masses.  The Provisional Patent is set and it would be pretty darn hard to beat me to the companies I'm pitching to (and realistically, not that many people read my blog), so here it is!

I'd like to introduce you to MēGō.   For a better look, take a look at my website.

It took longer than I wanted to mail it, mainly because it took me a while to figure out how to send an SASE with it (if anyone thinks I'm letting my prototype float around forever, they have another thing coming!), since the US doesn't accept Canadian postage for parcels originating in the US and you can't buy US postage in Canada.  So, that all got worked out with the nifty little piece of paper called the "international reply coupon".

It's weird, because I'm really excited, really nervous and really calm all at the same time.   I think it's because I'm not THAT emotionally attached.  This product isn't my baby, it's something I needed to serve a purpose in my own life, and based on the reaction of others, would be useful to other moms too.  I just don't want to ever look back at my life and say "I wonder what would have happened if...."  So here I am, giving it a whirl, and if it happens and I get my indoor pool... HURRAY!  and if not, I haven't lost anything (Well, except for the patent money, but I figure that can be the price of the education I gained). 

I really would prefer the indoor pool though.